||26 Feb 2009 | 4:51pm
I've had some really amazing friends over the years. Mostly the last 10 or so years. Ross and Kevin first and foremost. Although we've had our share of problems and differences and arguments and cock punch nights, they've both been ready and willing to help me out when I needed it. There's usually ridicule involved, but that comes with the territory and it's enjoyed anyway. From there came Michelle, and despite the obvious was, for a while, a very good friend to have around for the most part and I'm happy that we can talk again like normal people. From Michelle came the realization that I could talk to people outside of Jacksonville, and quickly became friends with such people as Seanna, Crystal, and Jen. There have been many others, but they have been the most important in my life for various reasons over the years, and they're probably the only ones who will see this so the other names don't matter although if you do see this, you can be sure that I haven't forgotten you and I am happy to have known you.
Seanna has been a part of daily life for me. She's brushing my teeth, or peeing, but in a good way. It's just something that happens damn near every day, and more often than not it's for the better. She's a great source of ideas, advice, humor, and entertainment. There have been many days where she was the only person I talked to for the entire day, and when and if the time comes that we no longer speak I think I'll have a lot of quiet and boring days.
Crystal I've never known as well or talked to as often as other friends, but I've always absolutely loved talking to her. She's amazingly smart, funny and gorgeous although she doesn't believe it for whatever dumbass reason. She's probably got no idea that she's helped me realize a few things about myself that have made me more confident and outgoing over the years, and I'm extremely thankful for that. I'm happy that she's happy right now, even though whenever I hear a phrase like "the one that got away", she's the face that comes to mind. I'm fully aware that it's my own fault, nothing would have ever come of it, and having any more of a relationship than what we've had would probably only end things and that's not what I'd want, I still regret certain choices and continue to make apologies for certain actions.
Jen, I don't know what to say. She's hardly recognizable now from when we first started talking, but that's to be expected after about 8 years or whatever. I don't completely approve of certain aspects of her life now, but fully realize that I've got no right to approve or disapprove so I don't make an issue of anything. It's not that she's done or is doing anything wrong or bad or anything I wouldn't do or haven't done myself, but when we first became friends she was this shiny sweet innocent little girl and that's what I attatched to and that's what I imagine when I think about her now. I want nothing but perfection for her, so of course anything less just makes me sad. That aside, she's one of, if not the, funniest people I've ever met. She's ridiculously intelligent despite being too fucking lazy to go to school most of the time, and she can make me feel better about absolutely anything by either being nice and helpful, funny, or insulting me. I don't know how it works, but it does, and I love her for it.
I recently found a large folder of old pictures and letters and cards from all of these people that I'd forgotten I'd recieved let alone saved, including several very long letters from Jen that I'm going to post excerpts from to illustrate the change for anybody who knows her, as well as how much of an amazing friend she's been, even back in 2002 when we'd just recently began talking.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIMOTHY EVAN BORDELON! You're 20 now, wooh! Hah, I just thought of something... you aren't even the legal age to buy alcohol in the USA ar you? It's 18 here, som places 19, but hmmm.. you keep buying alcohol, so HOW TIM, HOW?"
"I hope you have a fantabulous, super, fun, great year, and that everything goes well and smoothly for you, and that there will be no sad times, only good times. And yeah, filled with pink, fluffy, bunnies .. but not those pink, fluffy bunnies that come with drugs .. they're bad bad bad bunnies .. but you know that already. But just remember, if you smoke marijuana you will get really high and then eat things that make you fat, and then boys won't ask you to the dance, unless you have marijuana to share .. and then it's only because of the marijuana, and you won't know if they love you or the marijuana. So don't smoke marijuana, mmkay? Mmkay."
"It drives me insane, not being able to help you when you're down... I miss you so much. I usually cry whenever I think about you. Now is a perfect example. I hope you know without a doubt that if there is anything I can do to help you any time, I will. Now don't take that to the point of seeing me live without makeup or having me pull a trigger, etc, but you know, other than that. It would be so hard for me to continue living if you ever die... I really think I would completely lose it. Fuck, Tim, if you ever need a kidney, or a lung, or fucking bone marrow, I would not hesitate to give. That is such a huge gesture coming from me. I'm so scared of that shit, but seriously, no hesitation. None."
I think I might be late for class because of the time it took to figure out what to say in here, but oh well. These thoughts and ideas aren't complete because I've never been all that great at expressing how I feel about people in words, but hopefully you get the point. I love you guys, and really hope we're still talking and spending time together when possibly when we're old and ancient.