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sooooooooo 27 Apr 2010 | 5:13pm
I have one friend that updates her LJ, and I talk to her on aim and keep updated via Facebook every day anyway. I check my friends page at most once a week, and see the same lonely post just sitting there until it gets shoved back to the previous week or two .. I think it's time to officially close this chapter in my life.

Take care people.

21 Jan 2010 | 4:41pm
I've really been wanting a new tattoo lately. Something a little bit more visible than the one I have now, though not all the time since I'll hopefully be job hunting in a relatively straight laced corporate atmosphere soon-ish. Arm, chest, leg, etc. But more importantly than the placement is that I want something that actually holds some value or importance, rather than just some design I thought looked neat while I was in the shop like my last one. I've been trying to think of ideas and I've not had much luck. On the one hand that makes me think that maybe it's a bad idea. On the other hand I realize that I'm not really a very creative person.

So for those of you who know me well, or at all, do you have any suggestions? Not necessarily for specific tattoos, but ideas? Symbols, pictures, letters, quotes, etc?

9 Nov 2009 | 12:36am
for the last few years, kevin ross jen and i have all gotten together at one of our houses for christmas and imported a bottle or two of absinthe as our christmas tradition. it's been a pretty fun way to spend christmas together since we don't get to spend a lot of time with all of us in the same room, and it was something new and different that we got to do (if a bit overrated, as it turns out). we did the whole deal with the spoons and sugar cubes and fire, and fun is always had by all. but i've recently stopped drinking entirely, for about 5 months or so now i think, mostly because i'm on a medication for my headaches that disagrees with alcohol in such a ridiculously bad fashion that even just a couple of shots resulted in a 24 hour hangover that was the worst i've ever had. i also tend to get kind of retarded when i'm drunk, which i guess is somewhat normal, but i typically have a lot more fun before the drinking during our christmas parties, rather than afterward, so this year i decided to add another element to our get together.

this year we will be having a christmas dinner at ross' house in jacksonville. everyone who will be coming has to make something. not buy or bring something, this is not a potluck. it can be an appetizer or desert or an entree, but you have to create it, and you have to put effort into it. ross threw the added stipulation that at least one ingredient of the dish be something special, such as it came from your garden or the mushrooms are special rare asian mushrooms, etc. my main idea for this feast was this. the individual dishes can be anything you want. everybody will get together to make sure we don't have like 9 deserts, but they can be of any origin, any nationality, any type of meat or vegetable, it's completely open. you can have mexican appetizers followed by a thai entree finished with a french desert. the entire dinner will (hopefully) be tied together because every dish will be prepared with traditional christmas foods incorporated into each dish. that mexican appetizer will encorporate oyster stuffing, the thai curry has ham, squash and cranberries (that's actually one of the things that i plan on making, i may make a practice run of it this or next week), etc. the hope is, despite the differences in each dish, the traditional christmas elements will bring it all together into a cohesive dinner.

too much top chef? absolutely. i'm i looking forward to this? you've got no idea how much.

for the first time in ... about a decade, i'm actually very excited for christmas again.

23 Oct 2009 | 2:02pm
does anybody use livejournal any more? or is it just me and my friends that have pretty much abandoned it and moved on to facebook and twitter and *shudder* myspace? if you've moved on to myspace you're no friend of mine, but i'm just curious because my friends page has been ridiculously quiet for a long time now, and i've certainly not been posting anything. yet i post all the time on facebook, though the posts are in short one to four sentence status update bursts, and i rarely post notes as journal updates. i mostly just follow people on twitter, i don't post on there, but the posts are generally even shorter .. sometimes not even complete sentences.

the average to above average lj post was long, though out, funny, or dramatic depending on the topic at hand. it typically included pictures, polls, links and videos, all nicely brought together by the carefully planned layout of your page, which you spent hours upon hours creating, because goddammit that was important. it could be cross posted in any number of communities where it could be dissected by complete strangers, ready to become new friends.

now, while the media aspects of a post on facebook and twitter still remain intact, the personality and care and actual thought tend to fly out the window. long pages of meaningful text get replaced with "< name > just got fuckin dumped". and then 3 people will probably click that they "LIKE" the post. twitter is even worse. i've been using it for a little while now and i still haven't been able to come past the conclusion that it's simply entertainment, it's not actually useful. i can't believe places like cnn picked up on it. people twittering during senate meetings? ridiculous.

i don't really know what the hell the point of this was, i'm not really condemning either. i check facebook constantly throughout the day, and a twitter update app is on my hompepage. i check livejournal maybe once a week. i guess i just wanted to write more than "doesn't understand what happened to livejournal"
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Pictures from the hike 18 Aug 2009 | 1:25am

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4 Aug 2009 | 1:04am

that is my medical history of my stomach problems from 1995-1997 alone. i read it all last night. it was pretty fucking depressing. my dad brought it down with him so i could give it to my GI doctor when i go back to see him next time. i'll be going back to see him on the 19th for a follow up after the endoscopy that he did today. an endoscopy is where they sedate me and stick a tube with a camera down my throat to take a look at my esophagus and stomach to see if there are any abnormalities or strictures, to see if the valve at the bottom of the esophagus that lets food down and keeps acid from getting up is working properly (or in my case after the surgeries, the make-shift valve created from tying my stomach around my esophagus), and check to see if that wrap is still in place and working as intended. i've been getting food stuck in my throat again for a while now, like it did when all of this started. in fact the thing that led them down the trail that got them to do all the tests and eventually surgeries was a piece of chicken stuck on my throat for an entire night. it's not like i'm choking, obviously, not for an entire night. i can still breathe, it just gets lodged at the bottom of my esophagus and won't go up or down until it's fucking ready no matter what i do. sometimes it's minutes, sometimes it's hours. sometimes it's solid chunks of food, sometimes it's teeny tiny little bits of food bordering on liquid. it doesn't matter, there's no pattern. it's what started all of this 14 years ago, and it's been happening again.

so i was a little bit depressed reading that inch thick file last night. there was a lot of stuff in there that i'd forgotten about. a lot of stuff that i didn't know about. surprisingly little that i didn't understand, with the exception of handwriting. and then today when we went to the surgical center to have it done, i was fucking terrified. not of the actual procedure, because i've had dozens of these before and i know they're painless. they give me plenty of anesthesia which is always fun, so that was no problem. i just don't want to do this again.

so after some paperwork and about 2 hours of various waiting rooms changing clothes and prepping, they finally wheel me back and get me started on the anesthesia and bam TIM WAKE UP YOU'RE DONE! the whole thing took about 10 minutes, and they were telling me everything looked good. they took some biopsies and i'd have to wait for the results and for my follow up to talk to the doctor about those, but from what they saw today everything looked good. the wrap was holding up fine, there was no narrowing of the esophagus so they didn't need to widen it, it didn't look infected but again they'd have to wait for the results to be sure.

so good news and bad news. good news, nothing seems to be wrong. bad news, nothing seems to be wrong. why the fuck can't i swallow food again?

my final project for architecture 27 Jul 2009 | 12:36am

For reference, here are a few images of the building so you can see how close I came. It's not spot on, but I feel like I got it pretty close. I couldn't get the front logo to look right, even in Photoshop, so I just left it out. I hope he either doesn't notice, or doesn't count off for it. Same goes for not building the third side. I don't think he'll count off, but who knows.

I'm quite pleased with this. Given that I did basically all of it in about 2 and a half days, and the building is ridiculously tricky even though it might not look like it. I'm not so hot at the layout stuff in Photoshop, but I'm even kind of pleased with how that came out. I know it could be better in the hands of someone who has a better idea of what they're doing, but I don't hate it like I did the last couple assignments I handed in, and I'm even actually somewhat fond of it, so hooray for that.

I had a lot of fun building this in Revit. I really really enjoy using this program, and I really look forward to having a job where I can use it all the time. I hope this is something I get to do down the line. I'm still a bit awkward with it. I make lots of mistakes and I know I do things goofy and I'm sure I make hundreds of amateur mistakes, but I want to learn how to do things the correct way, and then learn how to do them better.

I don't have a handle on materials at all. Concrete doesn't look like concrete, glass doesn't look quite right. It took me an hour of playing with the window material to get it to look like that, and it doesn't look right still. Concrete shouldn't reflect. I know it's me that's doing it wrong, not the program, but I can't figure out what I'm doing yet.
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email from my father 24 Jul 2009 | 1:22am

Came across this pic of Johnny Depp tonight and first thought was how much he looks like you. If you were to cultivate a little mustache and beard, you two could pass as twins...



He has met me, yeah? Also, why is he looking up pictures of Johnny Depp?

A couple of weeks ago, a customer at work, this crazy, creepy old woman Katrina nicknamed the crypt keeper, who happens to be in love with me for some reason even though she originally hated me for another unknown reason, came up to the counter and asked for me. She asked for me only after peeking her head through the window, spotting me, then ducking back out after I saw her, then doing this two more times. Finally she came up to the counter and asked Katrina if she could "borrow me" for a moment. When I limped up to the counter due to my freshly broken toe, she pulled out a neatly folded page from a magazine with a picture of Hugh Laurie from House, and proceeded to tell me that I looked exactly like him, and that I had the personality to match. That was the kick in the nuts, the personality part, especially since everybody that I've told this story to has said something along the lines of, "well, you don't look like him...." Even my parents!

All my life I've been told I looked like somebody I don't, usually repeatedly, though lately it's just been isolated incidents. I guess I've had the good fortune of being told that I look like relatively good looking guys, but it's just been pretty odd. Now my dad says I look like Johnny Depp's twin, last week it was Hugh Laurie. From about 17-25 it was Kevin Bacon, with an occasional David Bowie (?!) thrown in. As a kid it was Maccauly Culkin, though that one was pretty spot on, but a blond kids that age looked like him so that's really nothing special. I'm curious who I'll look like next year.


I saw the guidance counselor yesterday to finalize my school schedule until I graduate. I'd lost track of how many general education requirements I had left, I'd just been focusing on the architecture classes, so I was happy to see that, assuming I do well the next two semesters, I'll be graduating in the spring. I'll be getting my ass kicked during those two semesters, but I'll finally be fucking done with something. Of course I still have to worry about applying to actual architecture schools, and getting accepted, and then more school, and then jobs, and etc etc, but to actually finish something as big as this will be a very big deal for me. Just to hear the counselor tell me when and how to apply for graduation felt fantastic, I've never had to think about anything like that before.

It's coming soon!


Just remember me when 8 Jul 2009 | 5:00pm
Seanna merely mentioned the name and minutes later I was downloading season 1 of Veronica Mars .. again. Fuck you.

"You believe me?"
"Meg, you're the last good person at this school. I'd believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning. If you want, I can find who posted that test for you. Clear your name, make somebody pay."
"Unless there's a fairy godmother already on it."

I always liked Meg. Was sad to see her go from this show, but happy to see her pop up for a little while on Supernatural. Unless I just forgot about it, she wasn't at The Roadhouse when it got blown up so she hasn't been killed off on there, so maybe they'll bring her back at some point. But probably not. Sad, sad.
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Thoughts on school and career and life and and and 29 Jun 2009 | 4:50pm
For the past however many years I've had this journal, posts that had subject lines like that typically were along the lines of "I have no plans, no goals, I'm so fucking directionless". It feels good to finally have something that I'm (relatively) good at. I don't excel in my architectural courses, I haven't been top of the class, my models or papers or whatever have rarely been called out as exemplary. But I've gotten steady As and Bs, and I feel that at this rate, presuming I can get accepted to some school somewhere (my GPA is low from my previous like 4 attempts at majors), and can continue to keep up the grades, that I can find a job and become at the very least an average architect. And I've got no problem with that. Seriously, how many current architects can you think of? Like 2, maybe? And they're the "starchitects", which is a stupid name but it's what they're called, the celebrity architects. Everybody else just fits in, does what they're told. They may do something cool, they may do a billion kitchens. I'm okay with that.

I'm tired of having a job, I want a career. I think that even as an average architect, I can live what I consider to be comfortably. I think most people consider living comfortably to be a little bit under posh. I think of it as not having to wonder if I'll have enough money to pay my bills this month. If I can eat out tonight, or if I should buy more ramen. If I can afford to see a movie this week. If I can buy more than just Triscuits to snack on. I think I'll be able to live in a place like I do now, if not slightly nicer, and possibly even start to save a bit of money, while living comfortably, and even having a few fancy-ish things. I look forward to that. I don't need posh. I'd definitely take it, I'd love to have it. But I don't need it, it's not my goal.

My mom, who is a financial planner, has helped me over the last couple of years to start saving for a house. She's taken a small amount of money from just a couple of paychecks, and turned it into what is now just under $40,000. Of course if I were to just try to withdraw that right now, I'd get taxed a ridiculous amount and probably walk away with like half of that, but she knows all the tricks and rules on how to use that money specifically towards buying a house, so that when the time comes, she'll transfer it and funnel it and trade it and do things I can't comprehend, and portions of it won't be taxed, and portions of it will be taxed far less. She tried to explain it to me once but I got confused and I just told her that I didn't care as long as it wasn't illegal and as long as she didn't skim. But that's now, and I won't be buying a house for several years, so even after whatever taxes are paid, that's a pretty large head start on a house, and I'm incredibly lucky to have her for that.

The next thing I need to seriously start thinking about is where I want to live. I've thought about it a lot over the years, but never very seriously. Now I need to start figuring out which schools to apply for, look into neighborhoods, transportation, etc. I'm seriously considering applying to schools in Toronto. New York, Chicago, San Diego. Florida too, of course, and I'll likely stay in Florida, but I can't count on getting in to any one school or state so I'm going to look all over. It's scary, but it's cool that I'm actually, finally, getting to do it.


This was brought on by me finishing up my midterm for my Digital Architecture class. It's not as good as I'd hoped it'd be, but the more I look at it the more I do like it. And since I literally just picked up the program all of 6 weeks ago, and I put off doing this midterm until really 3 days ago, I gotta say that I guess I can say that I'm alright with how it came out. It could be better, but I could have spent more time with the program and with the model, so given the time I've put into both, I'm okay with it.


Also, people need to stop getting engaged. That's seriously like 10 people that I know this year that have gotten engaged. Congratulations for you, that's fantastic and I'm truly happy for you .. but fucking quit making me feel lonely and unwanted already, jesus!

12 Jun 2009 | 12:15am
i had a dream that i was at a bar with kevin and we ran into charlie sheen and emilio estevez. i always kind of figured that charlie sheen would be kind of a douchebag, and since it was just a dream he still probably is, but in the dream he was a cool guy. we kept talking about movies he'd done and how he always got such a bad rap with press and bad reviews and just never really got credit when credit was due, and he took me making fun of him in stride. i told him he should hook up with apatow and that bunch, or neil patrick harris, maybe play a sleazy mentor. i told him that i hadn't seen his tv show because i don't watch many comedies, and then was like "shit, it is still on, right? awkward." he said he was too old to break into a new crowd or to start doing something new like internet videos, and i told him that adam sandler and eric bana are about the same age and their both doing funny people with judd apatow and seth rogen so he's got no excuse. and even though eric bana started as a comedian in australia he's not known for it here, and charlie sheen's done pretty well in comedy here. i told him every 13 year old in the 90s liked hot shots, the first one anyway. the second one, what the fuck was up with that? and i told him that the one internet video i saw him do also had his dad in it so it didn't count as being cool. i asked him if he was married to denise richards when she got the james bond job, and if so, if she came home that day and said she was going to play a rocket scientist and if he decided it'd be worth it to give up pussy that night and laugh in her face.

then after talking about him for a while i turned to his brother emilio and said, "so where the fuck have YOU been?" i said, "i saw bobby .. or rather, i saw bobby at best buy, i didn't see the movie. my dad said it was alright. and i saw you get your face smashed in mission impossible, but other than that, what the hell man." i always liked him, he did some good shit in the 80s and 90s, mostly the mighty ducks movies with pacey, but then he just went away. he didn't have any dream answers for me, he was quiet.
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Picture dump 21 Apr 2009 | 11:25pm
More HDR fun!

Downtown Jacksonville this past weekend :

California over Christmas :

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7 Apr 2009 | 2:19am
I'm thinking about selling my World of Warcraft account to help pay for a trip to Japan. I know that most of the people who still read this journal don't play WoW, and never have, but just replace it with some activity hobby that you've enjoyed having for 5 years and it might give you an idea of why it's not an easy choice for me. Except it's not just a fun way to pass the time, I've had a lot of great times and experiences and I've met people that I consider to be actual friends, and I actually feel like just playing the game and being in the guild I'm in has helped me become a (slightly) more outgoing person. When I first started, I would never speak on the microphone. I've gotten to the point where I could lead entire 25-40 person raids by myself, having no problem telling 60 year old ex-marines what to do, and calling people out when they fucked something up. Granted it's just my voice so it's more anonymous than doing any of that in person, but that's still not a typical type of thing for me to do.

But, I don't play WoW very much lately. When I do it's pretty half hearted and I think of it more as a chat room to talk to my friends. But I've got ventrilo and forums and another account I have the option of taking over for that. I threw up a quick post on Craigslist to see what kind of interest I could get for the account, not expecting to get many replies or to reply to any of them .. but so far the low bid is $600. There have been a few others but I'm not sure they're legit or not. So $600 is almost 4 years of what I paid in subscription fees back, or in terms that matter a lot more to me .. it's half of a plane ticket to Japan for a week.

I've never been off the continent. I've been to Canada, but while Toronto is a cool city, it's not very different from any other large city in the US so I don't really even count that as being in another country. I've wanted to take a trip like this with my friends for years now, and they're finally in a place where they can do it, and I'm struggling to catch up. I mostly want to go for the fun of it, to be somewhere different and to be completely confused and overwhelmed and scared, but in good ways. But I'm also an architecture student and I think I could learn a ridiculous amount just from being somewhere so different. We'd be staying in Tokyo for a few nights, then taking trains to other places though we haven't decided on where all yet, but not big cities like Tokyo for the rest of the trip.

That's the enormous up-side. The down-side, obviously, would be selling my account with Truthiness and Aristocrat and my dumbass druid and a few 60-70 alliance characters and lots and lots of gear, and money, and memories. Like I said I've got another account with a horde and alliance 60, including a hunter on Dark Iron that used to be in the guild I'm in now, so I wouldn't really be going anywhere, but it's still a heart breaking thought. I've had a character in the guild since I believe day 3 of it's existence, and selling them off will be tough.

I haven't made up my mind about anything yet .. not about selling the account, or going on the trip even if I do sell it. But, fuck, I want to. I think it might be good for me for school, not only just the experience of the trip, but even with as relatively little as I play now compared to how I used to, I play more than I should. I play at times I should be doing homework. I think just not having the option to raid, at least for a while, would be beneficial to me, while I would still be able to talk to my friends when I wanted to.

So, what do you guys think? What would some of you guys do in this position?

Also, just a few minutes ago I logged into Flickr and was greeted with this :

After seeing that, I'm not sure that I've got any choice. A higher power wants me to go.
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1 Apr 2009 | 1:31pm

This is a thing if beauty. I want one. Now.
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Tim M.D. 16 Mar 2009 | 12:08pm
I just dreamed an entire episode of House.  It was the weirdest, most elaborate and rambling and confusing episode of House ever, but it was all there.  It began with the interesting intro which suddenly went bad.  There was reluctance to take the job, the one interesting thing that got me interested when nothing else did.  The rest of the staff was there.  There was a secondary storyline involving a camera.  There were several incorrect theories that almost killed the patient.  There was a conversation about the camera that led me to the solution for the patient.

Oh, did I mention that all of this took place in or around a VW bus and an expensive photography studio?

And, of course, there were The Ghostbusters, floating through space to find my patient after he'd disappeared.  The weirdest part was that it sorta made sense.

I'd post the actual details, but I'm worried that I should read into it and I don't want to be judged.  Too bad for you guys, It's good, too.

New Apartment 26 Feb 2009 | 9:44pm
So I've been here a month and I've just now gotten around to taking pictures. My battery was dying so I just used the automatic setting and they look like ass, so I'll take some better ones later once I've actually finished putting things away and all that, but here are some for now anyway.

I really need to clean up the cables behind the desk. I think I'm going to hang curtains so I can light in without letting people see all the expensive electronics right in front of the window.

Jude's chilling in his usual spot. I actually framed some of my favorite pictures and hung them up, I think I'll continue to do so around the place. This, this, and this are the pictures that are hanging up.

Kevin's painting of Ross, proudly displayed. There's also a design project hanging in the hallway because I needed to take a picture of it for class and it was one of the more open spots with good lighting.

Link still protects me. I need something to put on the wall by my bed, but I don't know what yet.

I've got a bit of a laundry backlog, that's a work in progress. Also I currently have no shelving except for in my closet which is filling up fast, so my design projects are quickly cluttering up everywhere else. I think I may get some cheap shelving from IKEA some time soon and just line my room with them.

My desk, current projects taped to the wall and on the desk. Old projects in the box beside it.

Another shot of the current drawing I've been working on. It's all one house, I just drew each floor in it's own layer because it gets really complicated and cluttered when it's all on one sheet. It's a pain in the ass and sorta looks like ass now, but the final version will hopefully look better. It had better, since each layer has to be on Vellum, which costs about $6 a sheet.

The little bench looking thing is actually a trash can. They come by every morning and pick up my trash for me! It's such a small thing but I love it, it's so awesome that they do that. I need to take the big stuff out to the dumpster myself, and it's far away which is why the boxes are still there, but for general stuff it's great. I also need to buy a couple of chairs to keep out there, that'll be soon.

My view outside. You can't see the spotlights from Universal in this picture, but they're there in the background. Just to the left are tennis courts, in the distance is a playground and volleyball court, and just behind the building to the right are basketball courts.

Also, I just got a new phone.

Mirror finish!

Preeeety. I love this phone so far, but I'm still getting used to it.


26 Feb 2009 | 4:51pm
I've had some really amazing friends over the years. Mostly the last 10 or so years. Ross and Kevin first and foremost. Although we've had our share of problems and differences and arguments and cock punch nights, they've both been ready and willing to help me out when I needed it. There's usually ridicule involved, but that comes with the territory and it's enjoyed anyway. From there came Michelle, and despite the obvious was, for a while, a very good friend to have around for the most part and I'm happy that we can talk again like normal people. From Michelle came the realization that I could talk to people outside of Jacksonville, and quickly became friends with such people as Seanna, Crystal, and Jen. There have been many others, but they have been the most important in my life for various reasons over the years, and they're probably the only ones who will see this so the other names don't matter although if you do see this, you can be sure that I haven't forgotten you and I am happy to have known you.

Seanna has been a part of daily life for me. She's brushing my teeth, or peeing, but in a good way. It's just something that happens damn near every day, and more often than not it's for the better. She's a great source of ideas, advice, humor, and entertainment. There have been many days where she was the only person I talked to for the entire day, and when and if the time comes that we no longer speak I think I'll have a lot of quiet and boring days.

Crystal I've never known as well or talked to as often as other friends, but I've always absolutely loved talking to her. She's amazingly smart, funny and gorgeous although she doesn't believe it for whatever dumbass reason. She's probably got no idea that she's helped me realize a few things about myself that have made me more confident and outgoing over the years, and I'm extremely thankful for that. I'm happy that she's happy right now, even though whenever I hear a phrase like "the one that got away", she's the face that comes to mind. I'm fully aware that it's my own fault, nothing would have ever come of it, and having any more of a relationship than what we've had would probably only end things and that's not what I'd want, I still regret certain choices and continue to make apologies for certain actions.

Jen, I don't know what to say. She's hardly recognizable now from when we first started talking, but that's to be expected after about 8 years or whatever. I don't completely approve of certain aspects of her life now, but fully realize that I've got no right to approve or disapprove so I don't make an issue of anything. It's not that she's done or is doing anything wrong or bad or anything I wouldn't do or haven't done myself, but when we first became friends she was this shiny sweet innocent little girl and that's what I attatched to and that's what I imagine when I think about her now. I want nothing but perfection for her, so of course anything less just makes me sad. That aside, she's one of, if not the, funniest people I've ever met. She's ridiculously intelligent despite being too fucking lazy to go to school most of the time, and she can make me feel better about absolutely anything by either being nice and helpful, funny, or insulting me. I don't know how it works, but it does, and I love her for it.

I recently found a large folder of old pictures and letters and cards from all of these people that I'd forgotten I'd recieved let alone saved, including several very long letters from Jen that I'm going to post excerpts from to illustrate the change for anybody who knows her, as well as how much of an amazing friend she's been, even back in 2002 when we'd just recently began talking.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIMOTHY EVAN BORDELON! You're 20 now, wooh! Hah, I just thought of something... you aren't even the legal age to buy alcohol in the USA ar you? It's 18 here, som places 19, but hmmm.. you keep buying alcohol, so HOW TIM, HOW?"

"I hope you have a fantabulous, super, fun, great year, and that everything goes well and smoothly for you, and that there will be no sad times, only good times. And yeah, filled with pink, fluffy, bunnies .. but not those pink, fluffy bunnies that come with drugs .. they're bad bad bad bunnies .. but you know that already. But just remember, if you smoke marijuana you will get really high and then eat things that make you fat, and then boys won't ask you to the dance, unless you have marijuana to share .. and then it's only because of the marijuana, and you won't know if they love you or the marijuana. So don't smoke marijuana, mmkay? Mmkay."

"It drives me insane, not being able to help you when you're down... I miss you so much. I usually cry whenever I think about you. Now is a perfect example. I hope you know without a doubt that if there is anything I can do to help you any time, I will. Now don't take that to the point of seeing me live without makeup or having me pull a trigger, etc, but you know, other than that. It would be so hard for me to continue living if you ever die... I really think I would completely lose it. Fuck, Tim, if you ever need a kidney, or a lung, or fucking bone marrow, I would not hesitate to give. That is such a huge gesture coming from me. I'm so scared of that shit, but seriously, no hesitation. None."


I think I might be late for class because of the time it took to figure out what to say in here, but oh well. These thoughts and ideas aren't complete because I've never been all that great at expressing how I feel about people in words, but hopefully you get the point. I love you guys, and really hope we're still talking and spending time together when possibly when we're old and ancient.

31 Jan 2009 | 9:24pm
I'm finally in a new, much cheaper apartment. And oddly enough, it's a much nicer place in a much nicer area of town. Before I was right up the road from like JoJo's Used Cars and Air Conditioner Repair. Now I'm right next to an Aston Martin dealership. I'm about 30 seconds away from Universal, which I don't care about except I get to see spotlights in my backyard every night which is sorta neat. I can probably see Disney fireworks too but I haven't looked yet. I'm very close to downtown, which I like.

The apartment is like an exact copy of the one I was in, floorplan wise. There are a few small differences, and I've got furniture arranged differently, and I think better, this time around. I have cable, and HDTV is glorious. The DVR is a wonder, even for someone who doesn't watch a whole lot of tv. I have my computer desk right next to the tv, and I got a DVI to HDMI cable so now my 40" 1080p HDTV is my secondary monitor. WoW is amazing, and don't get me started on the porn.

Right outside the sidewalk to my place is a giant high tension power tower. I can hear it humming and clicking when I'm outside, and while there's probably some small safety problem with living under them, I like it. It's cool looking, I like the sound, and it'll make for cool pictures one day. Right beside that is a large fenced in dog park that Jude absolutely loves to go batshit crazy in. I have no idea why but there's this one spot that he keeps running to, sniffing, and then rolling around in. Always in the same spot. I've met a few people that bring their dogs there and they all seem to get along pretty well. Some dude had a dog named J.D. that was half Golden Retriever, half Poodle. He was really goofy looking, he looked like a Golden Retriever with an afro, which I guess is fairly accurate since he had the poodle's actual hair instead of fur like most dogs have. Nice dog though, and nice guy.

I still have some stuff at the old apartment that I need to finish bringing over. I've got it until the 16th. Once I have everything set up and put away and all that I'll post some pictures of the place and the complex. I'm quite pleased with it. I'm doing my best to keep this place clean and organized, and I'm going to try to keep it looking nice, like an actual adult lives here. We'll see how that goes.

Wonder Boys 19 Jan 2009 | 10:48pm
"He needed a shave, and he wore the sad, swollen mien of a doctor at the end of a shift, like a traveler walking off an airplane after thirty hours in the air. His name tag said Greenhut. He looked so profoundly disappointed in me that I wondered for a moment if he was someone I knew."

This is such a fantastic and well written book. And surprisingly, an almost equally fantastic movie. Rent and/or read it.

By popular demand.. 12 Jan 2009 | 12:40am
..and because it was bugging the shit out of me, even though I did kinda like how it looked.

It's starting to get a little yellowish around the cut, it should look pretty gross within the next few days. Just in time for school to start and for me to see the pretty Columbian girl again. Awesome.
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